How to Kill Versatility In Your Wardrobe
AKA Don't Tell Me How to Wear My Clothes
I understand most trends. Like (such as), I understand why skinny jeans expanded beyond the emo scene and became mainstream (indie music got popular amongst normies and they adopted certain “alternative” styles along with it) and I understand why flares are gaining popularity again, now (Y2K is back and certain parts of Y2K fashion were inspired by 70s fashion). As a lifelong fashion lover, and someone who helps people get dressed for a living—almost exclusively in things I personally wouldn’t wear, myself—I actually pride myself on being able to look at clothes objectively. It doesn’t matter if I don’t find something appealing: I can pinpoint why someone else would and therefore understand its value.
But, even I have my limits.
There are times where I am so blindsided, so affected, so angered by how utterly useless a piece of clothing is, I simply can’t think straight. This post is about those pieces.
Let me be clear, these items are not ugly. In fact, I come across things that fit these categories/descriptions and consider buying them all the time. This also isn’t some grand call to purge your closet of these things. However, if you do find that you own a lot of these items and consistently struggle to style them in more than one way (if that), here’s why.
Half-Button Up Tops/Dresses
The very best thing about a shirtdress is the fact that it can be worn as a shirt, or a dress. You can unbutton it halfway or all the way, tie it, belt it, tuck it, or layer it: they’re just so amazingly versatile.
That’s not the case with these monstrosities:
This is a dress that exists to be worn exactly one way, when simply doubling the buttons would open up an entire world of possibilities. It’s presumptuous. Why are you telling me I can only wear this dress as a dress! How dare you!
I feel similarly about half button shirts, which rob you of all the fun possibilities that come with, you know, a shirt that actually (un)buttons all the way down.
Faux Wraps
This one is less about limiting my options to wear a piece and more about limiting whether I can wear it altogether, depending on the time of the month. The faux wrap skirt takes the genius of a skirt that can be adjusted a few, sometimes several inches and spits on it.
As a person who bloats, who eats, who lives, and who laughs, I do not love faux wrap “details.” Of all the corners mass-produced fashion cuts to get around properly fitting garments, this—the flexibility of a skirt or dress that you can simply tie as tight or as loose as you need it to be—is the one they skip over and for what? So you can tell me how high the split in my skirt goes? How dare you?
Obviously, smack dab in between this and the entry above, we have fake buttons particularly on skirts and dresses.
It’s hateful, actually. And it’s only made worse when they clearly have “buttonholes” but they’re still sewn shut, like the skirt above.
“Self-Tie” Tops
I remember first noticing these tops gaining popularity and thinking “that’s so stupid, why wouldn’t you just get a regular button up and tie it?”
Some things never change.
I understand that having the bunny ears already there makes for a much more “flattering” (blech!) little bow, but, what you gain from having the perfect permanent knot, you lose by defeating the entire purpose of getting a button up shirt and tying it up, including the ability to tie it to make it more fitted or looser or sluttier to suit the look you’re going for!
Elastic Waist Dresses
There are few things I hate more than a piece of clothing telling me about my body, particularly the placement of my waist. While I do tend to cinch my loose-fitting dresses with a belt, anyway, what I don’t need is direction as to where to put the belt, nor do I need the dress to cinch itself for me, especially when it results in a very specific “bloused” look that may or may not be the vibe for the day.
I don’t feel quite as strongly about drawstring waists, because I can actually just leave them loose, but it still feels like yet another attempt to control my body as a woman in America.
Fabric Belts
This may be the most avoidable item on this list, and yet it’s the one I hate the most: Flaccid, flimsy fabric belts meant to “cinch” but ultimately do nothing more than stretch out and loosen and droop throughout the day.
While, yes, I can just get rid of it and switch it out with a real belt (and I do), I shouldn’t have to! Give me a real belt or, at the very least, a rope or cord with some weight to it: these are just….fabric.
Yes, There’s a Point To This
I’ve officially evaluated my 200th wardrobe this past February (hold the applause) and one of the things I’ve noticed the most is how often we shoot ourselves in the fashion foot when we buy a piece that literally can’t be styled any other way than the way it was at the store. Not just the pieces above, but also things like prints that don’t actually match anything in our wardrobes except jeans or jackets that we can’t wear sweaters under.
When shopping, it’s important to consider the potential limitations of an item before you buy it. Details like a shirt that’s meant to look like it’s been layered over another shirt pre-scrunched arms on a blazer or cuffs on jeans sewn down can seem great in the moment if you prefer to layer your shirts and scrunch your arms and cuff your jeans, but what happens when that preference changes? When shopping online, in particular, it’s also important to both examine every photo and read all the details (Do NOT give into “Quick Buy” options, damnit!) to make sure those buttons actually unbutton and that fabric belt isn’t permanently attached. Maximizing versatility with every single purchase so that they can actually be worn and worn often in new ways that get you excited is one of the hardest but most important tenets of sustainability to master. “Choose better” is not just about brands!