I'm Over The Overhaul
New Year, New You...but at what cost?
Much like gyms, nicotine patches, and dating apps: personal stylists tend to be busiest right around the New Year. While I would certainly never besmirch the name of any self-imposed self-improvement, The Overhaul—that is, the act of purging one’s entire wardrobe—has only grown in popularity over the past few years thanks to a wide number of factors from Marie Kondo to our general trend toward overconsumption of fashion goods and the resulting buyers’ remorse. I can only imagine how many extra hours thrift store workers have to spend wading through the explosion of donations of Shein hauls of the past year, and I certainly don’t envy the purgers who are dropping them off only to go home to an empty closet begging for a new deposit of so-so clothes that are going to end up being purged themselves in twelve months or less.
The Overhaul has become a band-aid for the much larger problem of simply not knowing what we want to wear. How many of you have combed the internet looking for guides on how to build a capsule wardrobe of only 17 pieces, or even tried to pare down your entire personality to a single uniform? Did it stick? Or did you once again find yourself staring at a rack full of absolutely nothing?
I know this may sound a little harsh, but maybe, just maybe, the constant desire to get rid of everything and start over is just as harmful overall to our spirits (and wallets) as buying and owning bunch of crap we don’t want to wear in the first place. Is it enough to just overhaul our wardrobes without overhauling our habits, our style, and our attitudes towards the things we own?
Why We Feel Compelled to Overhaul, And Why We Might Not Need To
Obviously, there are plenty of good reasons to get rid of things and plenty of even better reasons to start fresh, so to speak. But for every person poring over their piles of clothing, in need of a new beginning, there’s like, a dozen more who are actually fine right where they are, and don’t even realize it.
I think back to What Not To Wear, and how every episode started with them absolutely ripping the unlucky style victim’s style to shreds. Stacey London has since apologized for the harmful messages the show promoted, but let’s talk about what those messages really boiled down to:
You don’t really dress like anyone else, so you need to replace everything you own with these generic “essentials” and whatever trendy items fashion editors have decided you should be wearing.
People you know (and don’t) hate the way you dress so get rid of the clothes.
You’re not who you used to be so you need to destroy all evidence of that person and become some idea of who you are now that actually has nothing to do with you.
Even without a camera crew, a lot of us have internalized these messages and give into the pressure to brazenly empty and refill our closets far too often without a real, internal motivation to do so. I call these “Pressures from Trends, Friends, and Ends.” But how do you know if your call to overhaul is justified, or if it’s coming from some external source bent on making you and your style feel inadequate?
Trends
Even I can admit that today, it can be tough to look around at social media (or, in the past, fashion magazines) and realize that your style looks nothing like what most people consider “stylish.” It’s one thing to not really consider yourself stylish, but, is that because you don’t feel your style reflects you, or because you don’t feel your style reflects everyone else?
While I am personally not 100% anti-trend, with the way the trend cycle moves now, the idea of building a wardrobe (let alone a personal style) based on what’s hot today is the same planned obsolescence that makes your iPhone start acting up the second a new one is announced. It’ll work—for a little bit. But it’s an even easier way to guarantee you end up looking dated, frumpy, and (gasp!) “cheugy” by the next micro season (which is next week, by the way).
However, copying Allure or Elle’s endless lists of the 30 Pieces “Every” Woman Needs and calling it a day isn’t the way, either. Some of us actually don’t need a pair of dark wash jeans or a crisp white blouse, nor should we feel our closet is incomplete just because we don’t own a leather biker jacket.
As we get older, and our tastes and lives evolve, it is important to update our closets regularly, but not at the total cost of everything we’ve built before. Learning to strike the balance between trying every passing fad and letting the fashion world pass you by is key, and the name of the game here is: wait.
Yup. Just wait. Set up your moodboard, whether it’s on Pinterest, Instagram, or a photo album or note in your phone. Save everything new and shiny that you like, and then, just wait. Three months later, go look at it again. Do you still like it? Awesome! Now you can consider integrating it into your wardrobe. Take your time, and really consider whether the trends/pieces themselves are speaking to you, or just your desire for something new. The more consideration you put into what you buy, the less likely you’ll be to feel the need to toss it all (again) down the line.
Friends
Honestly, if I had the kind of friends who would put me on What Not To Wear, stage an “intervention” for the way I dress, and let me go in front of that godforsaken 360-degree mirror on national television while a man in a bowtie pokes and prods at my favorite dress…let’s just say I wouldn’t have any friends anymore.
But, not everyone can be so cavalier as to get rid of their oftentimes limited support system over some snide comments about unmatched socks or whatever. That said, sometimes it’s not the wardrobe that needs the change: it’s the company you keep.
In high school, I was lucky enough to go to an Arts Magnet, where there was no shortage of kids who dressed a little…weird. Now, you would think that in such an environment, no one’s gonna get bullied for being, you know, a weirdo. You would think. But kids are relentless, so, there were times when I would maybe layer only two skirts instead of three, or go for regular sneakers instead of the bright pink boots I had thrifted that weekend, just because my friends dressed “normal,” and I didn’t wanna stick out among them.
That is, until I met Erin.
Erin started at my school as a sophomore, around a time when I was already veering more toward the “scene” sensibilities of the time (2007). I had traded in my ratty purple sweater (that I had made more ratty intentionally by unpicking the crochet trim) for a highlighter yellow hoodie and, soon, would be going even more “mainstream” just in time to apply for my first job at American Apparel. But Erin? Erin marched to the beat of her own drum.
Even in a school full of creative freaky rebellious teenagers, Erin stood out in her fairy skirts layered over super flared jeans and rainbow corsets. And she got teased relentlessly. But she never stopped. And, thanks to her, I, too, stopped toning myself down.
I say all that to say, if your friends are making you feel—either explicitly or more subconsciously—that you need to change the way you dress to fit in with them, maybe you need a new friend. That doesn’t mean overhaul the old ones (see what I did there?) but, it does pay to have at least a little time with someone who really aligns with you and makes you feel unique rather than abnormal , especially in small towns and closed-minded communities. Finding the right people who draw out the real you in the best possible way is much easier said than done, but it’s so important, not just for finding your personal style, but in having the courage to express it and yourself in order to live the most fulfilling life.
Ends
Life is full of endings, as well as beginnings: relationships end, new jobs begin, babies are born and people move to new cities/states/countries. All of these are absolutely opportunities to re-evaluate your closet and decide whether or not it’s truly working for you. But, the point of this section is to talk you out of the scorched earth approach and into being a little more pragmatic about the whole thing.
Granted, if you’re moving from Manitoba to Miami, you have my permission to purge your wardrobe of all your mittens and snowshoes; but, if you’re just moving from single life to married life, or kidless life to mama life, you may want to think twice before you retire all the remnants of the old you.
The final motivation for the overhaul can tend to be far more theoretical than practical, and going through with it without a thoughtful approach can doom us to a life that we may not want. Am I being dramatic when I say that being so quick to get rid of all your “date night” dresses just because you had a baby means you’re probably guaranteeing you’re never gonna have a date any time soon? Maybe. But, as we move through life, sometimes the pressure to constantly be evolving can bite us in the butt.
Growing up doesn’t mean growing out of who we once were: just because you’re moving into a corporate job doesn’t mean you have to get rid of all your miniskirts and crazy prints; just because you’re not a kid anymore doesn’t mean you have to have an entire closet full of J. Crew to be taken seriously. Often, as we move into a new phase in life, our first instinct is to look back at the silly stuff we wore before with embarrassment—and, sure, we should all be embarrassed about those 3-5 years we wore oversized belts around our hips for no reason, but, if it made and still makes us happy, is it really so wrong?
If it still fits the way you want it to, and you still think it’s cute, basically, I say keep it.
If the old you dressed like crap (in your own eyes), though, by all means, toss the baby and the Bermuda shorts out with the bathwater. But don’t think that just because your life is changing drastically, your style automatically will, or that your current clothes have no use. Maybe what you need to change is how you wear what you have, not what you have.