Style Languages: Your Personal Best Dressed
I’m sure most of you are familiar with “love languages.” For those who are unfamiliar, here’s an article about their issues. For those that are unfamiliar and also don’t feel like reading (beyond this article, of course), essentially, love languages are a concept invented by a Southern Baptist pastor about a year before I was born (1993), that, in only 30 years has become a nearly universal way to describe how one best receives love from their romantic partners. Honestly, it’s pretty weird that you’ve never heard of them.
I’m not here to delve into whether love languages are based in fact or not. That’s a bit too close to science for me, and I only got a 2 on my AP Psych exam in the 11th grade. Also, they’re not.
What I am here to do is invent an entirely new concept that is, as usual, meant to help you overthink—I mean think—about your personal style and self expression. Without further ado, I present to you: style languages.
Your style language is you at your best. It’s your reason for getting dressed, and the absolute root of your truest, most personal style. Without honoring your style language, you can find yourself feeling “off” or even totally stuck in a rut if your clothing doesn’t align with your language. But, once you do figure it out, you’ll find it a lot easier to move forward in building a wardrobe that functions perfectly.
So, how do you figure it out? Well, I want you to think about all your favorite outfits you’ve ever worn. Really visualize them: how they make you feel, the pieces, the details, where you wore it, all those good feelings you associate with them. Write them down if you have to. Now, ask yourself…what made that outfit so great?
Comfort
Believe it or not, not everyone dresses for comfort. Or, rather, different people have different ideas of what comfort entails. You may be “comfortable” in three-inch stilettos while someone else can’t stop rolling their ankle in a one-inch wedge. It’s all relative. What comfort as a style language boils down to is: no fuss, no worry. Comfort means you feel great with no tugging or yanking at hemlines, no shapewear, no worries about whether you’ll still look as great after a big meal, or struggle to climb into a car or take the train or whatever. Comfort is what we mean when we say effortless, not because of how much or how little effort you may have put into the look, but because of how little effort you have to put in to exist in the look.
Comfort may be your style language if your favorite outfits tend to be loose, oversized, or body skimming but not tight, with soft fabrics and, of course, comfortable shoes. Make sure, whenever you’re shopping, that the garments you buy don’t require you to do anything but put them on to make them look good.
Convenience
Are you familiar with decision fatigue? It’s a term meant to describe the exhaustion we feel having to make so many choices (some important, some not so much) every single day. What to eat, what to drink, decisions at work, decisions regarding children or partners and—the most difficult of all— what to eat, again.
For those who are overwhelmed with decisions everyday, deciding on an outfit is just another straw that will eventually lead to some major chiropractic issues for the proverbial camel. For this reason, if your style language is convenience, most of your favorite outfits look, well, the same. I wouldn’t necessarily call this a rut, perhaps a uniform a la Steve Jobs or Elizabeth “I Look Up to Steve Jobs” Holmes. I want you to lean into that uniform. I’ll tell you how in a future article.
Expression
It can be hard, especially as busy adults—many of us with limited funds—to feel you’re fully expressing yourself in every outfit. While I see the value in committing to putting in the effort to do just that, everyone has different abilities. That said if expression is truly your style language, it pays to find (and invest in) those little details that make you feel like, you know, you. That means things like jewelry and accessories, certain colors or prints, or even the way you do your hair and nails are going to be of the utmost importance to make you feel fulfilled with your day to day wardrobe, even with your limitations.
Expression is definitely your style language if your favorite outfits make you stand out. I mean no one is wearing what you’re wearing, and you take pride in that (as you should!). Try investing in one item that just makes you happy to wear it every so often.
Attraction
I know a bunch of y’all just rolled your eyes at the idea of dressing to attract romantic/sexual interest, but, I promise, keep reading.
People dress to attract all kinds of things: attention, admiration, opportunities, other people in their communities (especially queer communities!), and, yes, romantic/sexual interest, particularly from people of their preferred gender(s).
If your favorite outfits are less about what you were wearing and more about what happened while you were wearing them, your style language is probably attraction.
So, What Does All This Mean?
Nothing!
Just kidding.
By looking at your favorite outfits and why they’re your favorites, you can easily replicate said outfits so that every outfit becomes a favorite, instead of an occasional lightning strike. And by learning what you’re dressing for, you put yourself on a path toward not only truly understanding how you want to dress but how to achieve it and, most importantly: how to be consistent.
Also, I needed to write this article before I write the next part in the Your True Style series.
It’ll make more sense next week!